


Dress Fancy

by Asphyxiation (cat_in_my_hat)



Category: Bleach
Genre: M/M, Online Dating, Toshirou's eye twitching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 01:04:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3630879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cat_in_my_hat/pseuds/Asphyxiation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Despite what Matsumoto would say, the whole dating app thing was a bad idea.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dress Fancy

**Author's Note:**

> The dating app is completely random and made up.

Despite what Matsumoto would say, the whole dating-app thing was a _bad idea_.

“ _But Toshirou_ ,” she would say, “ _You haven’t dated anyone since Gin – two years ago_.”

It’s not that he’s still stuck on Gin – he’s vowed never to go back to that, _ever_ – but, if he’s being honest he can’t actually _remember_ how to date. He and Gin and been somewhat _High School Sweethearts_ , and Hitsugaya’s twenty five now. He has no clue what he has to do to ‘put himself out there’. What does he put out? An aura? Show more skin? Give people the ‘ _come hither_ ’ eyes? (Because seduction _is not_ his forte)

It’s when he drunkenly (goddamn New Years Eve parties and goddamn Hisagi and his stupid goddamn drinking games) confesses his dilemma to Matsumoto that the talk of _Online Dating_ started. And never stopped.

It’s escalated into buying him subscriptions to _E-Harmony.com_ for his birthday (“Psychological” matches his ass, he won’t do it, no matter how successful it might be, he won’t do it) and installing dating apps onto his phone when he isn’t looking. He has seen enough goddamn penises on Omegle (another bad Matsumoto suggestion – he thought she was making a _Skype call_ not subject him to _three hours_ worth of wrinkly penises) to last him a lifetime.

“You should at least try this one,” Matsumoto pleads, rolling around on his bed as though it was hers, “Shuuhei and Kira met on this one – it’s supposed to be really good. Freak-free, too.”

His eye twitches, “How many times have I told you – _no, do not look at me like that you evil, evil person_.”

She continues to look at him like a kicked puppy.

He won’t cave, he won’t. It’s his pride at stake here.

“But _Toshirou_ –”

“You can’t pay me enough money.”

She pouts, and they fall into silence. She begins playing on her phone when she realises that Hitsugaya is pointedly ignoring her whilst scrolling through Facebook on his laptop (the first time in _forever_ ).

“What’s your zodiac sign?” She asks, suddenly.

He frowns, “Sagittarius.”

He shrugs and they fall silent once more.

“Toshiro!”

“What – ”

There is the telltale sound of a camera, and she rolls onto her back tapping away on her phone with her legs waving in the air while Toshirou tries to compute what just happened.

“Oi, Matsumoto, what are you doing?” he asks, voice wavering. “Why did you just take a picture of me – you’re not – _are you making a profile for me on that stupid app_?”

She giggles, “Got it in one.”

He doesn’t really think when he propels himself at her. She too fast, however, and stands, with her phone held triumphantly above her head, watching with amusement as Hitsugaya tries to come up with ways of getting it down without degrading himself by jumping.

  “Give – it – to – me,” he grits his teeth, glaring at here, “You – _you_ just don’t _do that_ , please Matsumoto!”

“Nope, Nope and _nope_.”

It’s with this that Toshirou Hitsugaya becomes a part of the online dating community with no say in it whatsoever. 

 

 

“Oooh, Toshirou, you’re a hit. Forty-three matches already,” Matsumoto goads over lunch, scrolling through her goddamn phone with a goddamn smile. “He’s cute,” she turns the phone towards him, “What do you think? Rate him hot or not?”

“What’s the point? You’re gonna rate him hot even if I say he’s not,” he remarks dryly, taking a sip of his tea, trying to will her into putting the phone down (he wonders _why_ he came out with her today. He should have _known_ that this would have happened).

She’s not listening to him anyway, “Sōken Ishida, he’s cute. Got that I-get-hotter-when-I-age look. Rate him _hot_.”

“I don’t even know why I’m trying anymore. I might just cut off my balls and buy a cat. That would constitute me as a crazy cat lady, right?”

 _And of course she listens now_ , he thinks, while she laughs.

“Can I put that in your bio?”

“Can I cut your hair when you sleep?”

She pouts, “Mean.”

 

 

He’s trying to sleep when she runs into his room – _why did he agree to being her roommate again?_ – screaming.

“You have a message – _a message_!”

“Get off – Let go,” he growls, “You’re tangling up my headphones!”

“Szayelaporro Granz messaged you!” She jumps up and down, pulling Hitsugaya with her, and he watches with clenched teeth as his headphones get trampled on – she _will_ pay for new ones. When she abruptly lets him go, (“He said _hey_ , I wonder what that could mean – a seductive, _hey, what’s up sexy?_ Or a more, _Hey, you’re cute_ , kind of way?”) Hitsugaya tries to regain his balance, fails, and topples over the edge of his bed and lands with a _thud_.

Matsumoto looks over the side, “This isn’t anytime to be falling over, we need to _formulate_ a response.”

His eye twitches, “I refuse to be pulled into your games.”

“I think I nice, _Hi, how are you?_ Would be good. What do you think?”

“I don’t know – I want to sleep.”

“He’s replied – how quick! _I’m good, just lying in bed,_ hmm, we could make this frisky? Or keep it innocent,” she looks at him, “I think we make it frisky, because you my friend, need to get laid.”

“If you’re gonna do that, at least give me some say, please.”

“No, you’ll just intimidate him with your intelligence. On purpose.”

“If he can’t keep up with me, then he isn’t worth it,” Hitsugaya bristles. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting intelligence in a partner.”

She sighs – as though _he’s_ the problem here, “Not everyone’s going to be a smart as Gin.”

He won’t lie – that stung. He flinches, “I know that,” he spits.

She narrows her eyes, “No, no you don’t. You keep comparing everyone to Gin. That cute guy that always flirted with you at the counter of _Hueco Mundo Coffee_? You rejected him flat out because ‘ _he wasn’t academically stimulating enough’_. You told the little high school girl that always looked at you in the library that she wasn’t tall enough and you refused a date with a guy because his _hair_ was too long. If you don’t start _trying_ to have a relationship outside of Gin, I’m going to think you’re still hung up on him.”

He flinches at each example, and knows, he _knows_ , that she’s right. There’s a pregnant pause. He sighs, “Download the goddamn app onto my phone, and sign me in.”

“Yay!”

“But I _refuse_ to talk to him – his hair is pink, and he looks like a creep.”

“ _Toshirou!”_

“Fine, fine.”

 

He does go out on a date with Szayelaporro (and regrets it so much he calls Matsumoto to help him crawl out of the small bathroom window of the shitty Mexican restaurant Szayel takes him too) and a few others he meets on the app. Some of them are horrible, horrible mistakes, but most are not too bad – he gets along with a girl named Hinamori Momo well enough to call each her a friend (purely and mutually platonic, however) and they go out for coffee on Thursday afternoons. He has not found anyone remotely attractive.

That is, until he stumbles across Ichigo Kurosaki’s profile. The fiery red hair is eye-catching and his bone structure is simply divine. From what’s shown on his picture, he’s tall and lanky, but there is a promise of muscles under his purple v-neck.

Hitsugaya doesn’t press _hot_ on the ranking system on purpose – it’s just his luck that someone stumbles into him, and he presses the demon button on accident as it brushes up against his sweaty palm.

The worst part is, however, that he _doesn’t realise_ the mistake he’s made (the mortifying, horrible mistake) until it’s too late to go back and un-press the button before Kurosaki sees it, when he sits in bed later that night with a message displayed on his screen.

<I.Kurosaki> _So... you think I’m hot, aye?_

Hitsugaya’s eye twitches.

<T.Hitsugaya> _Sorry, it was an accident_

 <I.Kurosaki> _Too bad ;) you wanna go for coffee sometime?_

He agrees.

 

“You’re a lot shorter in real life,” is the first thing that Kurosaki says to him when they meet.

His eye twitches, “Is that going to be an issue?”

“No, I think it’s cute,” He smiles. Hitsugaya wants to commit it to memory – it’s mesmerising.

“Shut up, I’m not cute,” he grumbles, walking past Ichigo and into Hueco Mundo Coffee. He hears a laugh behind him.

“One long black and,” Ichigo trails off and looks over his shoulder at his companion, “What do you want?”

“Mocha, please,” He pulls out his wallet, and hands his change to Ichigo, who waves him off, with a comment that sounded like, _It’s on me_.

He’s taken aback (Gin never paid for him – he was a control freak and hated, _hated_ spending more than he needed too). He squares his shoulders, “I’ll pay next time,” he offers, before realising how forward the statement sound, “B-by that I mean – ”

Ichigo laughs him off, “I get it.”

It’s comforting.

“So, Toshirou, how did you get into online dating?” Ichigo inquires when they’re settled in a booth across from each other.    

Hitsugaya coughs, “My friend Matsumoto guilt-tripped me into signing up.”

The response is a chuckle, “Same. Rukia, my flatmate, threatened to throw out all of my clothes if I didn’t start ‘putting myself out there’,” he shakes his head, “I swear, she thinks I’m growing mold in my room because I never leave. She just doesn’t understand the hardships of a med student.”

“Oh? Tough life.”

The grin Ichigo shoots him is feral, “You know it. The sexual tension is off the charts. Perhaps you could help me?”

 _Oh god_ , thinks Hitsugaya as he blushes bright red, _he’s hot_.

 

He gets home late.

“Oh my _God_ , Toshirou, are you okay?” Matsumoto rushes to him, “Did he rape you? I was about to call the cops! You’ve been gone for seven hours – _Why do you look like you’re having a mental break down?_ ”

He ignores her, “Matsumoto, I have a second date on Saturday – he’s taking me to a restaurant and he told me to _dress fancy_ ,” he looks at her with wide eyes, “Matsumoto, I don’t _have_ any fancy clothes.”

(The plans had been made in the back of Ichigo’s car with Ichigo whispering _dress fancy_ against his lips while his hands – his deliriously hot hands – roamed beneath his shirt, Toshirou clinging to his shoulders like a lifeline.)

She blinks, “So he’s _not_ a creep?”

“Definitely not a creep.” ( _Definitely not a creep, but an incredibly, deliriously attractive male who can kiss like he’s about to suck Toshirou’s soul out of his tongue, and who tastes of black coffee and Chinese takeout and breath mints - )_

“What’s his name? How old is he? Occupation?”

“Ichigo Kurosaki, twenty three, at university,” he looks at her, “Matsumoto, he’s _hot_.”

He doesn’t even complain when she jumps up and down, screaming in his ear, “Toshirou’s found a keeper, he’s found a keeper!”  

 He silently agrees in his head – _He’s found a keeper._

**Author's Note:**

> sorry not sorry, seductive Ichigo needed to happen and all of the spelling/grammar mistakes that are in this will hopefull be fixed later but I'm tired and lazy.


End file.
